Hey guys! I’m back! I apologize for the lack of updates lately. I have been meaning to make this post for a couple of weeks but I’ve been crazy busy with writing my book, God Granted Me Hearing (which yes, is based on this blog and my cochlear implant experience!) :). Also, I haven’t had a whole lot of news lately. My 2nd cochlear implant has been progressing well. I saw Alyssa at Jefferson around a month ago and everything was good but she didn’t test me again so there’s no update on that end.
I do have something else to share with you all today though — what it’s like to get caught in the rain with a cochlear implant. I’ve written in the past about how getting caught in the rain was one of the things I was most looking forward to doing after getting my cochlear implant and I also wrote about what it was like to go swimming with a cochlear implant, but up until a few weeks ago, I never actually seriously got caught in the rain with a cochlear implant.
First let me say this was completely UNPLANNED. I live in Washington Township and I love to take walks. I knew that a thunder storm was on the horizon, but when I first headed out for the day the skies were still clear. It was one of the first days of spring so for once the weather was warm. I didn’t want to walk to the gym like I normally do because I thought it might be too far of a walk and I wasn’t sure if I’d make it back in time to avoid the storm. Instead I decided to take advantage of the fact that all of the basketball courts at the high school I live across were empty. I’ve always loved to play basketball but I don’t get the opportunity to play nearly as much as I’d like. So I grabbed my bag with a couple of bottles of water, my jump rope (don’t ask…), my basketball, and headed out.
I wore my aqua cases for this trip. I didn’t wear the aqua cases just because of the pending storm, but to protect against sweat as well. I made the mistake when I got my first cochlear implant of going to the gym without the aqua case and almost broke it from all of the sweat and moisture I got in it. Ever since that incident I’ve made a point to wear my aqua cases every time I go to the gym, work out, or even go for a walk or do anything that could produce a sweat. I’d rather be safe than sorry.
It took me awhile to cross the street that afternoon. Traffic was busy in Washington Township, as always. When I finally managed to cross the street and make it to the highs school I took out my jump rope and began using it. I’ve had my jump rope for over a year and never used it before. I heard it was good exercise which is precisely why I bought it, but I always shied away from using it fearing I’d look like an idiot, which I totally did, but it was okay because no one was around to laugh at me. I still didn’t have quite enough magnets in my headpiece on the cochlear for my right ear. I think the placement for that one is different than on my left which makes it not stick as well. When I used my jumprope it kept knocking my headpiece off until finally I gave up on it and took it off and put it in my bag.
I only jumped rope for about 5 minutes or so before switching to basketball. I know it doesn’t sound like a lot, but when you haven’t done it for 20 years, jumping rope is really intense! Plus I noticed the clouds were beginning to look a bit heavy so I wanted to stop and make sure I got plenty of basketball time in before it rained on my parade. I put my cochlear back on for this. It works out better for me than the jump roping did, but it still kept coming off my head whenever I jumped so I ended up taking it off again and putting it in my bag.
I played basketball for about a half hour or so before the rain began. I think this was my first time playing basketball with my cochlear implants. I noticed I was much more relaxed. I didn’t have to worry as much about whether or not any cars were coming by the parking lot or if there were joggers running through or someone trying to talk to me. I was able to hear everything around me (and also there wasn’t many people around anyway). It was very peaceful and fun.
After about a half hour I felt a raindrop hit my head. “Okay, that’s my signal to pack it up”, I said to myself. Within seconds of saying that, I found myself in a torrential downpour. The rain came down at the speed of light. I ran to my bag to check my cochlear and put it back on my head and to check that my phone, which was in my bag, was still working. Everything seemed good. Then I grabbed my bag, my ball, and headed on home.
But I couldn’t simply go home; I had to walk back which meant walking through the torrential downpour and trying to cross the dreaded intersection again. It also meant having to pass a bank and drug store while sporting soaking wet clothes and hair and dribbling a basketball. That’s not something you see everyday…
IT. WAS. FUN. SOOOOO MUCH FUN.
This is something I could never do before with my hearing aids. My hearing aids would have broken in seconds and I would’ve been having a major panic/anxiety account over getting caught in a torrential downpour with them. And my mother would want to kill me for destroying my $3,000+ uninsured devices.
But with my aqua cases on, my cochlear implants were 100% waterproof. I had nothing at all to worry about.
I dribbled my ball through the rain until it began to fill with the water and become too heavy to bounce. Then I carried it. I watched the people flee the bank to their cars as if they were afraid the rain might make them melt. As I waited at the crosswalk by the drug store I noticed the people in their cars looked at me like I was some kind of a freak because I was standing at a crosswalk for a busy intersection with soaking wet hair and clothes, a basketball, and the biggest smile on my face.
I didn’t care about being wet. I didn’t care that my clothes felt like they weighed 1,000 pounds from the rain. I didn’t care about my basketball session being cut short. I didn’t care about the fact that I was getting pretty cold. I didn’t even care about the fact that my contacts were getting blurry from being drenched in rain.
I was ecstatic. I was having one of the best days of my life.
When I got home I didn’t have to worry about anything being broken. I did take my cochlears off and put the aqua case parts and those specific batteries in the dryer just to be on the safe side, but I didn’t really have to. There was no panic attack. I didn’t have to take out the hair dryer to try to air them out and to get them to work or nothing at all.
I simply did what any normal person would do…I changed out of my wet clothes, got a hot bath and made a hot cup of coffee to warm up, and went on with my life.
You don’t realize how much these little things in life like getting caught in the rain can really mean to a person until they get to not just experience them, but ENJOY them without any kind of fear at all, for the first time ever. It’s surreal.
Getting caught in the rain with my cochlear implants may not have been everything I hoped it would be. Larry and I have been broken up for over 6 months now. There’s no one new in my life to give me that Notebook-style kiss in the rain. I didn’t even have anyone there to have a conversation with or to go puddle jumping with.
But you know what? It wasn’t what I wanted it to be because it was BETTER.
It was all my joy for the taking. It was all on me. It was all about me, having my moment. I didn’t need anyone else to be there for me. I just needed that rain and to be off in my own little world.
It was one of the best days of 2016 thus far.
I can’t wait to get caught in the rain again sometime soon.
My new silver cochlear implant!
It’s been 3 days now since I’ve had my second cochlear implant activated. Although I knew what to expect this time around,that doesn’t change the fact that it’s been a bit of an overwhelming and nerve-wracking experience nonetheless.
Activation date was on Wednesday, December 23rd…the day before Christmas Eve. I had Alyssa, the girl who is doing her residency (there were other audiologists around if we needed them…she’s not licensed but we specifically requested her since she’s been so excellent…we really like her) activate me. I couldn’t sleep prior to my appointment because I was way too excited. Getting to Philly was a bit of a challenge since it was raining and incredibly foggy. We couldn’t take the train like we usually do. My mom and I had my dad drive us into Philly. Traffic was bad since it was right before the holiday. We ended up being over a half hour late, but fortunately Alyssa didn’t mind. I don’t think they had many appointments being so close to Christmas…
My appointment was supposed to be at 9:30, but we didn’t get there until after 10. It was a fairly quick appointment. I believe she just used the same settings as were on my first cochlear implant. She played a couple beeps first and had a chart for me to choose whether the beeps sounds too soft, soft but comfortable, comfortable, or too loud. This process took about 10 minutes or so. I found that most of them were in the comfortable but soft or just comfortable range.
Listening to the beeps!
Once we finished with the beeps we moved on to basic sounds, expressions, and words. My mom asked me if I could hear her and if she sounded like Mickey Mouse so I laughed and said “Yes”. Her voice was very squeaky, just as it was with my initial cochlear implant, but it began to normalize quickly. Alyssa’s always sounded pretty normal for some reason. I guess her voice isn’t quite as high as my mom’s is or something.
I didn’t do too bad with the basic sounds like “oooo” and “mmmm” and “eeee”. Some of the words I struggled with especially colors like “purple” and “orange”. Those two were the hardest for me. It will take some time to adjust to and for sounds to be normal. My own voice echoed back a lot and sounded weird, but not quite as weird as it did with my first implant. I am unsure if I like the volume or not. Everything sounds so robotic and strange now that it is hard to tell.
My mom sounded like Minnie Mouse at first…how could I not laugh?
I have the new Q90 processor, so that alone may take some getting used to. While it’s similar to the old Q70 I initially started with, it still has some differences that take some getting used to such as automatic programming. However, this one is a bit different than the one on my left ear. I am back to having 4 programs and switching to a new one each week as my mind begins to learn and process the sounds. The Aquacase is not yet programmed. Alyssa said I need to get used to the other sounds first so it’s not too overwhelming.
Alyssa recommended that I wear my new cochlear for my right ear as much as possible so that I can train it. I wasn’t home very much on the first day. After my appointment I went to the Amish market, grocery shopping at multiple stores, to my hairdresser’s for a haircut, out for dinner, and walmart, so I wore both cochlears out most of the day. However, whenever I was home I took the old cochlear off. Everything sounded a little more clear on the first day then my first cochlear did, but still pretty robotic and strange. My mom’s voice was less squeaky, but my dad’s sounded pretty robotic. Most things aren’t clear, they just kind of sound like distorted noise. Music sounds absolutely terrible, as can be expected. However, if it’s a song that I’m really familiar with it’s not too bad. I listened to some old-school Kelly Clarkson and it was tolerable since I was so familiar with the song.
I spent much more time at home on Christmas Eve and Christmas. Now that I’m single, I don’t have to worry about going to a lot of different people’s homes. My family and I always did Christmas together especially since my grandparents passed; we aren’t at all close with any members of our extended family. So I spent most of Christmas Eve and Christmas with just the new cochlear on except for when I went to church. Everything still sounds pretty weird. I can only watch TV wish captions. I can’t understand people talking much unless I read their lips. I can’t distinguish where sounds are coming from or what they are.
I notice a big difference when I wear them together though. My left ear with my old cochlear implant is by far my dominant ear right now and almost completely overpowers my newly implanted right ear when I have both of my cochlears on. Things are definitely much louder and a bit more clear. Music sounded better at church, and I was once again especially mesmerized by the sound of the violin. High-pitch songs that I previously struggled to really hear like Silent Night sound better. I also noticed I mispronounce a ton of words because I never really heard the proper way to say them…
I am a little unsure of the progress I am making in general with my new cochlear implant. I feel like with my first one I noticed a huge difference on the second and third days, but I am not sure I see that with my new cochlear implant. I’m on day 3 and everything still sounds totally weird, robotic, and distorted. Unless I have my initial cochlear implant on, I can’t really understand anyone speaking or any sounds. My mom stood behind me and clapped and I didn’t really hear it; I kind of ignored it because I thought it was just my dad making noise in the kitchen…
I spent at least 2 hours today working to train my ear. My mom sat down with me and did a word list. I got most of the words wrong, even when I read her lips. I am hearing some parts of the words. Like I can pick out that there’s a strong P sound or a un in in the word somewhere, but I can’t usually get the full word yet especially if I’m not lipreading.
I also used the Angel Sound program to train my ear today. I spent most of my time on Pure Tone Discrimination and worked my way up to level 2. I also worked a little bit on Environmental Sounds and am almost but not quite ready for Level 2 of that as well.
I tried switching from Program 1 to Program 2 today wondering if that would make things better, but ended up switching back to program 1 as I felt like I was getting too much power/sounds in program 2. I’m not sure I am quite ready for that.
I’m unsure how well I’m doing. I feel like the progress was easier and quicker with the first cochlear and that scares me. I feel like I’m failing at this, but even if this is all I get with the first one, it’s still an improvement, right?
Maybe it’s all in my head. It’s easy to look at my first cochlear and see it as all a success, but I didn’t get there overnight. It took me months to gain the ability to hear on the phone and music sounded terrible then, too. But then I think back about Larry and I’s date to Smithville last year. We did that on my 4th day of being activated and I did so well. I could hear him in the car, I could hear music playing (although I couldn’t tell what it was), rubber ducks squeaking, and hold a conversation at Applebees. I had a hearing aid in my other ear, but that didn’t give me clarity or do much of anything. If I take my left cochlear off, my right ear can’t do these things yet. Tomorrow will be day 4. I feel like I’m behind where I was last year, but shouldn’t this be easier?
I know that this is a process and will take time, but I’m still really scared. My anxiety is at an all-time high.I am just waiting for my breakthrough and hoping that it comes soon. I’ve struggled to sleep because I want to be awake to train my ear and see if things get better and I can’t help but worry, What if this never gets better? I know I have a tendency to be an impatient person and this takes a great deal of patience. I also know I need to pray to and trust God more. He’s already given me amazing gifts with my first cochlear implant, and he will with my second one, too, if I just learn to be patient.
This training my ear to hear thing with my 2nd cochlear implant may be proving to be a bit more of a challenge than I expected. It may not be all of the happiness I was hoping it would be at the moment, but it will get better in time. One thing I know for sure is this: I refuse to give up. I will continue to work on training my brain to hear the sounds until they are better than I ever could have imagined. God has given me the gift, now it’s my turn to work to use it as he intended me to do.
Hey guys I apologize for the lack of updates. Been a bit crazy over here lately since my surgery, but I’m finally starting to get back into the swing of things today.
I had the surgery for my second cochlear implant for my right ear on November 30th. The procedure was almost identical to how it was with my first one with just a few minor differences. I had to be there a bit earlier for one. I had to be there at 6 in the morning which meant leaving my house by 5. I was pretty tired since I stayed up late that night watching what turned out to be an incredibly disappointing Patriots’ game. After the game I couldn’t fall asleep because I was way too excited.
My mom and I barely slept at all the night before… we were both too excited!
I got to the hospital at 6am on the dot and everything moved very quickly at that point. I had some paperwork to fill out/sign and was taking back to the Emergency room fairly quickly where I changed into my gown and had to answer a series of questions. All of the questions were identical to the ones they asked last year and the answers were the same. I had to give them a urine sample and then they fitted me with my IV. I can never just simply get an IV though. You may remember from my first surgery they had trouble finding my veins and I had to have multiple people try to stick me. They got it in on the first try this time, but might’ve gotten a little too close to the vein. I bled all over the place. For the next two days after the procedure I was trying to clean up dried blood from my IV. I swear I think I bled more from the stupid IV than I did from my actual procedure…
I was really, really excited!
Dr. Willcox’s surgical team and all of the nurses and everyone involved introduced themselves to me and explained what they would be doing. They didn’t need to go into as great of detail as they did last year though since I already knew what they were going to do and I saw many familiar faces. Some of them remembered me, too and were very excited to see me which made everything all the more exciting. I really liked Dr. Willcox’s assistant/the guy who was doing his residency with him. He had a great smile and was pretty attractive. My parents laughed at me when I told them this and said that I “must’ve been pretty high from the drugs they gave me” since he was apparently a lot older than me and “Not that good looking” haha.
I feel like I fell asleep much quicker this time around than I did last time. I don’t have much of a memory of everything before the surgery because I just feel like they put me on the table and I went to sleep. Which makes a lot of sense since I really didn’t get any sleep the night before so I quite tired. I feel like there was less machines hooked up to me, but that could just be because I was asleep and didn’t notice them. I had my cochlear on until I fell asleep at which point Dr. Willcox removed it until after the procedure which made things much better for me. Since I could hear I was able to relax a lot more and they didn’t have to keep telling me to lay down because I wasn’t all anxious to see what they were doing like I was with the first surgery lol.
They took me in for the procedure at 7am and I was back in the recovery room around 11am. I think I woke up around 11:30-12. I was very sleepy and struggled to stay awake. They kept telling me they were waiting to take me back to another room. I asked for my parents and they said they’d bring them up but that they knew I was done and that everything went well.
I felt much better after my surgery aside from being tired compared to how I felt after the first procedure. I didn’t have a sore throat, probably because they used a smaller breathing tube after hearing how I had a sore throat the first time around from the larger breathing tube. I also only felt slightly nauseous and dizzy. I did feel a bit of pain though. At first they only gave me a little bit of pain medicine. They gave me more after making me eat the worst-tasting saltine crackers in the world (seriously why do the crackers at the hospital always taste so bad? That thing was straight up cardboard…staler than stale…yuck!)
After successfully eat the sucky crackers, walking a bit on my own, and having the IV removed (which meant more blood all over the place), I was permitted to change back into my clothes and go home. I’d say I was home around 4 or 5pm. The whole procedure and everything didn’t take long at all.
A Post-Op selfie!
Overall I felt much better and had an easier recovery the second time around. I think the fact that I had 1 cochlear and could hear made things much easier, too. I could watch movies which was a great way to relax.
I did have a set back on the 2nd day post-op though. I had to go back to Jefferson to upgrade my processor from the Naida Q70 to the Naida Q90. It was the last thing I felt like doing and my family and I didn’t think it was a good idea at all to go all the way to Philly 2 days affter surgery, but Advanced Bionics was going to be there since it was an early upgrade limited to very few people (I was one of the lucky chosen ones) and it was the only day I could go and do this, so I didn’t have much of a choice in the manner.
I did okay at first. I was dizzy, so I held my mom’s hand a lot. We took the car rather than the bus because we thought it would be easier/more comfortable for us. I did get pretty tired and didn’t want to be there, but I tried to make the most of it. The Q90 looks and works almost identically to the Q70. It is a little smaller and feels lighter though which I like. One of the biggest differences with it is that the programs are almost all automatic (the exceptions being sound relax and the aqua mic) which I like the idea of. Changing programs can be really annoying. I haven’t been in an environment too much yet where I can really see how it works, but my mom did vacuum and I noticed it blocked out the noise a bit (although I could still here it) and I could carry on a conversation and still listen to music and hear everything with it on which was cool. When the programs switch I can hear it switch over, too. I am excited to go to a crowded, noisy restaurant or something so I can really see how it works. Also, once the other ear is activated I’ll be able to unlock many more features that will allow both ears to work together which will be awesome.
Louisa, the woman from Advanced Bionics (I forget what she said her name was) and Dr. Willcox (we saw him in the hallway) all said I looked great considering I was just 2 days out of surgery. By the end of the appointment I started to get weathered and worn out and very sleepy though. It was an important appointment, but very stupid to go out and do that much so soon after surgery…
I felt okay afterwards, but very tired so I took a nap shortly after getting home. It wasn’t until after dinner when I started to get into trouble. After dinner when I stood up to throw my trash away I suddenly got very lightheaded and everything started to go completely black. I immediately sat back down and had my parents give me a drink of Coke. I took my blood pressure and it was only about 55 for a top number! To give you an idea of how scary this was — it was about the same range as my grandmother’s blood pressure right before she died. My parents were scared of course but we were nervous about calling an ambulance and going to the nearest ER since that for me is Kennedy in South Jersey. Most South Jersey hospitals are awful, and that one is definitely one of the worst. We were afraid to go there and have them mess up Dr. Willcox’s work, so we decided to wait it out and just keep monitoring my BP. I drank more soda and high-sodium energy drinks and put my head down for a bit. We did get my BP back in the 100-range which put me out of the woods, thank the Lord!
After that episode I took it easy for awhile barely doing much of anything besides sleeping, watching movies, coloring, and reading. I wanted to go back to work, working from home, that Thursday but decided it was best to just rest up so I took off for the rest of the week.
By last Saturday I was beginning to get a bit depressed. I felt useless. I wanted to go outside and do things and interact with people, but I knew I had to recover, especially after the whole BP issue. My depression was much better than it was after my first implant though, probably because I could at least hear this time around since I had one cochlear already.
I went back to working from home on Monday. It was a busy day back but it felt so good to be back in the swing of things. I did pretty well being back to work. I just got tired after lunch from my pain medicine and antibiotics, but I took a nap after work and I was fine.
I had my stitches removed on Wednesday. I was supposed to get them out on Thursday with Dr. Pelosi, but my surgeon decided to come in and do it on his day off instead because he really wanted to see me. My BP was a little low at 94. They don’t believe it was due to the surgery, but rather that I have been too relaxed. Dr. Willcox told me to be more active and that should help. I have been more sedentary than normal because I was afraid I was doing too much. Figures haha. I’m anxious to get back to the gym and taking long walks and doing more though! Getting the stitches out hurt more this time than I remembered from last time, especially the areas with the knots. There was one stitch that got my hair caught in it and that one really hurt to have taken out. I was glad to get them removed though!
I had a few stitches…
Once my stitches were removed I met with Louisa’s assistant who’s completing her residency, Alyssa, to test the equipment and to make sure the electrodes all worked. It was just like last year. I was able to hear all of the beeps which seemed like a good sign. They seemed louder this time around, too. It was pretty exciting. I got to see my new silver processor, too. It looks really cool! I can’t wait for my activation so I can actually take it home and wear it!
Thinking of my activation, there’s a chance that we may be moving the date up a bit. I have it scheduled with Paula on the 24th (Christmas Eve) but Alyssa will be there on the 23rd so we’re trying to move it up to that date. The only thing is that Alyssa doesn’t have her license yet and isn’t normally allowed to do activations on her own. But my mom and I don’t have a problem with it at all. Honestly, I like Alyssa better than Paula and Louisa. I do like both Paula and Louisa, but Alyssa has a great personality, is very professional, and seems to really know what she is doing. Even though she isn’t licensed yet, I trust her and I know she’s helped with activations and knows what to do. They said they’d have to ask the board of directors for permission and would get back to us on what they say about it.
I finished my antibiotic and pain medicine yesterday. I was also finally allowed to wash my hair for the first time in 11 days which felt amazing. It was definitely getting pretty nasty lol. It didn’t really hurt to wash it. My ear feels completely numb still. I tried to avoid really touch it or rubbing around that area/the incision though. I have a lot of dried blood behind my ear too which I’m struggling to get off.
After my shower I took a look and tried to find my incision/where they shaved my hair. They were so neat with it that I really can’t even take a picture of it because you can’t see it lol. It’s kind of underneath my hair and completely invisible. Dr. Willcox is like an artist with how he does his cuts. It’s amazing.
The first post-op shower is the best feeling ever.
Today was the best I’ve felt in nearly 2 weeks. I was still working from home, but much more with it. I didn’t take any pain medicine at all or even a nap. I cleaned the house when I finished working. I’m also back to eating completely solid food (that took awhile, even though I didn’t have a sore throat, it was hard for me to bite down/chew things for awhile because of the pressure it put on my ear).
I will really be back to my self on Monday. On Monday I’ll be back to working in the office and depending on how well I’m feeling, back to the gym as well.
I took a break from working on my book with my surgery, but I’m pleased to announce that it is almost complete. I met my goal of writing over 50,000 words in November during NaNoWriMo and have a total of over 90,000 words. I will of course need to update it with everything since going bilateral, but overall I’ve made great progress with the first draft and I’m excited to see it complete soon.
That’s about all I have for now. I’ll update after the 24th (or 23rd) after my activation! What an amazing Christmas gift and blessing this will be!
Last night I attended Advanced Bionics’ online webinar that was all about the new Q90 processor. This was really important for me since I recently found out that I am eligible for an early upgrade to trade in my current Q70 processor for the new Q90.
The webinar was very informative. The Q90 looks almost identical to the Q70 but it is smaller and thinner. It also comes with a few new features to help you to adjust to different sound environments and to block out distracting background noise better. It comes with the option of using a smaller battery that is about half the size of the smallest battery used by the Q70, but all of the sizes used with the Q70 are still compatible with the Q90 as well. The battery life is the same in the Q90 as it was in the Q70. One of the biggest advantages with the smaller battery size option (other than the obvious comfort) is that it will fit inside the AquaCase better.
The three new programs offered in the Q90 are the AutoSound, SoundRelax and EchoBlock.
The Auto Sound feature adapts automatically to the environment you are in. It helps you to better manage noise for more comfortable listening. Sound Relax makes sudden sounds more comfortable to hear. Advanced Bionics gave the example of a golf club hitting the golf ball or dishes clanking together. These sounds can be a bit annoying for a cochlear implant user, so with the automatic Auto Sound feature, this noise is softened a bit to be more comfortable. It doesn’t affect alarms or safety sounds though, so you won’t have to worry about missing something important with this feature. Lastly, EchoBack is the one program that is not automatic. EchoBack allows users to hear better in noisy environments.
The Q90 makes me really excited about going bilateral in less than 10 days. I liked hearing about how there were some features that would be only available for bilateral cochlear implant recipients like the StereoZoom feature. There will be features that will allow users to stream sounds through both cochlear implants. They will work simultaneously together to support each other. This will help to create an overall better listening experience.
I asked one of the women doing the webinar if I would be receiving the new Q90 when I received my second implant on November 3oth (It’s not widely available yet, I’m just lucky to have been chosen to upgrade my Naida Q70 from my first implant for it ahead of time) and she said yes so I’m very excited about that.
Overall the webinar was very informative. I’m excited about the new Q90 processor. It doesn’t sound like it will be drastically different from the Q70, so it should be easy to adjust to.It sounds like it will help to give me clearer sound and an even better listening experience (if that’s even possible).
It’s been just shy of 11 months since I receive my cochlear implant and 10 months since I’ve been activated. I have definitely made amazing progress. I hear very well now, sometimes even too well.
But my confession? Despite all I went through to hear, sometimes I really don’t want to hear.
I know receiving my hearing has been a blessing and I am eternally grateful for it. My biggest and only regret is that I didn’t do this sooner. I can’t wait to get my 2nd implant over the next 2 months.
However, I am glad I wasn’t born with the ability to hear. I am glad that it’s a magnet that I can take off at any given time, therefore removing my ability to hear.
Don’t get me wrong, most of the time I want to hear, but then there are those times when I hear too much and the fact that I can hear becomes a bit annoying. I find myself resisting the urge to scream “Shut up” when people at work are talking and I have to take a call at my desk. I hear other people’s conversations whenever I’m in the same room as them and I don’t want to hear it. I hear random sounds I never picked up in the past (I actually heard a man flushing a urinal the other day…the door was opened right as someone else flushed it. The fact that I could hear it was strange to me and a little awkward…)
Sometimes, I just want peace and quiet.
My biggest issue isn’t that I can hear sounds now, but that it’s a distraction to me. I have a very hard time focusing on anything but the sounds that I hear. I cannot listen to music most of the time when I work because it gets too distracting. Sometimes I can work around it, but if it’s a radio station where people are talking, forget it. I can’t read if people are talking, the radio is on, or any kind of noise is taking place. I have become extremely sensitive to outside noise and I am unable to block most of it out. “Background noise” doesn’t exist that much for me anymore.
I was talking to my boyfriend, Larry about this tonight. He says he doesn’t have this problem. I think it’s because he’s had the ability to hear his whole life unlike me. I think that it never bothered me in the past because I couldn’t hear these noises — it was like they never existed at all. Now suddenly I can hear them and it’s like a new world for me and my mind isn’t used to it. I need to work to train my mind to filter through what it wants to hear and what it can ignore.
Yes, my cochlear has filters for background noise. I used them when I went to Dave and Buster’s with my boyfriend and I use them a lot when we go out to eat, but this is not the same. This isn’t real “background noise” to filter through. It’s a matter of being able to hear sounds, some expected and some unexpected, and not be so distracted by them as to lose focus on what I was or am currently trying to do.
It’s different for people that have always had their hearing like Larry. They were probably born with this ability to filter through sound and not become distracted by it, because it’s what they’ve been doing their whole lives. It’s nothing new for them like it is for me.
I love that I can hear. Obviously, or else I wouldn’t be looking to get my second implant, but this hearing thing still takes some getting used to. I think my hearing loss is a blessing.I love that I can turn it on and off. If I had to hear EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME I think I’d lose my mind.
Take me out to the ball game….
It’s really been a long while since I wrote anything. Rest be assured, I am not abandoning this blog and I am definitely not abandoning my book project. I’ve just been extremely busy with work lately. There’s been quite a few changes happening lately which are very exciting but have also taken up a bit more of my time, attention, and focus. Also, Larry and I are coming up on our 1 year anniversary together. We are planning to celebrate by spending a weekend together in Lancaster. It’s something very important to us that we are both very excited about especially since we don’t get to see each other very much with him being a truck driver constantly on the road. However, as with everything in life, this is going to cost money. With that being said, I’ve been picking up quite a bit of freelance to help me save up and afford this little trip. Unfortunately, there are only 24 hours in a day. With my full time job + freelancing and my personal life, there just hasn’t been much time for updating my blog and writing my novel. But once our anniversary is over I’m hoping to be able to cut back on freelance and dedicate more time to this project.
So anyways, back to the subject of this post: What It’s Like to Go To a Baseball Game With a Cochlear Implant.
I went to a Camden Riversharks game with my church, Washington Baptist Church back in July. I’ve most certainly been to baseball games before. My dad actually used to be a great baseball player and at one time played on the church team back when we still attended the Church of the Nazarene in Pitman. Also, I went to the Phillies game with Student Government back when I attended Gloucester County College (now known as Rowan College at Gloucester County back in I think it was 2010. However, I never had an experience quite like this before.
Yes, they do really play “Take Me Out to the Ball Game”…
Baseball games were always kind of boring for me in the past. They were kind of hard for me to follow and get into, probably because I could never really hear anything and fully grasp what was going on. I couldn’t hear the announcers on their loudspeakers. I couldn’t hear any of the music they played in between innings or whatever. Actually, I didn’t even know if they played music at all. I always wondered if “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” was ever really played at baseball games or if it was just a kid’s song/a myth. I could never hear well enough to know.
I was really pretty excited to go to the Riversharks with my church and to see how things would be different with my cochlear. Unfortunately, Larry couldn’t make it like originally planned due to work, but I was able to go with my parents. My dad has been to my church on a couple of occasions but my mom never been, so I was excited for her to finally get to meet some people from church. Also, my family and I don’t get to go out and do things like this very much. My church rented a pavilion and there was an all-you-can-eat buffet so I knew it would be a special, fun treat for us all.
They even had sumo wrestlers!
My first impression upon entering Campbell’s field was “Wow, this is pretty loud!” I actually had to switch my cochlear to setting #3 which blocks out the maximum amount of background noise. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to things being too loud lol. My family and I met up with my church straight away and Pastor and his wife and some other members of the church all introduced themselves to my family. I was happy and surprised that I could actually hear everyone. It wasn’t awkward like it would have been prior to me having my cochlear.
When we got to the pavilion I was kind of overwhelmed by all of the sounds. I could hear everything! Even things I never imagined I’d hear or ever really gave any thought to. My mom got the biggest kick out of asking me “Can you hear that? Did you hear that?” lol. I don’t think that’s ever going to get old for her.
It was 90’s night, which was a real treat for me being that I am a 100% 90’s baby. They played 90’s songs and 90’s music videos throughout the night and I recognized and knew the words to almost all of them. I sang along a lot to Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears, Smash Mouth, and Outkast (although I was quick to point out that Outkast was most certainly NOT from the 90’s….more like 2005ish. My mom loved watching me sing along and bob my head to the music. She even said at one point, “I didn’t think I’d ever see the day when you’d be able to bob your head to the music at a baseball game” and how right she was!
I could even hear the sound of the ball hitting his glove…
I was able to hear more delicate or less obvious sounds, too. Things like the sound of the ball landing in the catcher’s gloves, and the sound of the bat hitting the ball. I could also hear every word that the announcers said. It was pretty exciting!
Pastor and his wife came by to our table to speak with my parents and I right during the last inning. It was nice to be able to have a conversation and not constantly have to say “What?” or, “I can’t hear you”, or worst yet, completely give up on the conversation. The last time I went to a baseball game back with GCC’s student government I had a great time, but I don’t remember really talking to anyone much once we got inside the stadium because it was too loud and I couldn’t distinguish between the sounds — it was all just loud noise. So this was certainly a nice change/improvement for me!
This was from 2010 when I went to a Phillies’ game with GCC’s SGA. It was a lot of fun, but I couldn’t really hear anyone well enough to have a real conversation. 😦
My first baseball game with my cochlear implant was definitely a great experience for me. I’d love to go to another one sometime…especially during a time when Larry can be home to share the moment with me! He could use a fun night out to a baseball game, too. 🙂
Oh, and before I forget, as I mentioned in the title I do have some exciting news!
I recently responded to a query from a writer, Geetanjali Mukherjee who is writing a book titled, Anyone Can Get An A+: How to Beat Procrastination, Reduce Stress, and Improve Your Grades. She was looking to speak with people who had to overcome personal challenges to get through school. I shared my story with her about how I made it through school without being able to hear my professors because it was before I had my cochlear. She loved my story and thought I was an inspiration. Long story short, she will be featuring it in her book which goes on sale on iTunes on September 2nd. You can read more about it here: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/anyone-can-get-how-to-beat/id1012123464?mt=11
This past weekend I did something I’ve always wanted to do, but never really had anyone to do it with. It’s something very simple, but no one would ever do it with me in the past; I went on a picnic with my boyfriend.
Now I’ve definitely been to the park and been on picnics before. But it was always with my family, or a school thing or something with friends. Never a boyfriend. And never quite like how I planned it to be in my mind. But when you meet the one — when you meet someone truly special that you’re meant to be with, it’s like things just naturally have a way of falling into place. That’s exactly how this seemed to have worked out for me.
Larry and I even got new nicknames that coincidentally fit the occasion (I swear I didn’t plan this or do it on purpose). Larry has about 50,000 nicknames for me by this point. Apple Sauce, Dear, Babe, Baby, Cherry Face, Cherry Cheeks, Angel Face, Angel, Princess, Sweetie, and Sweet Heart are among the most frequently used. His original nickname from me is Awesome Sauce, but I call him lovely quite a bit now too. He says I overuse “Lovely” and he wanted a new nickname. So I randomly called him Boo Boo. I don’t know why. It just kind of stuck. He kind of reminds me of a bear like Boo Boo.(I’m sorry Larry but you know it’s true. I know you — you’d like nothing more than the ability to hibernate like a bear haha). And within seconds I became Yogi, because of course.
So anyways, on Wednesday night we decided that Saturday’s date would be a picnic in the park. Because I am a crazy person that takes picnics way too seriously, I began to plan for our Picnic on Friday night. I realized then that if I was going to have a picnic, I should probably buy some food for it.
I bought a little bit of food for our picnic…
You may remember that Friday was the day that I went back to Jefferson for the 2nd half of the cochlear implant music research study.For this reason, I worked from home. One of the benefits of working at home is that naturally, I get home quicker after the work day. ;). This means I can do things like go to the gym a few hours earlier than usual. I’d normally go to the gym at around 7:30 when my dad has to leave to pick my mom up from work. But I finished working around 5:30 and it was a nice day so I decided to actually walk to the gym on my own at around 6.
After working out at the gym for roughly 45 minutes I walked next door to Acme to pick up some supplies for our picnic. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get pre-made hoagies or just buy lunch meat to make my own. That decision was made quickly after seeing the one single hoagie available. Plus, I myself am very picky with hoagies. I do not like American or Italian hoagies. I always get my hoagies custom made. So then I began browsing pre-packaged and pre-sliced options. They were rather expensive and nothing captured my attention. So I slowly made my way to meat the case.
I spent a lot of time looking at all of the meat. I wasn’t really sure what I wanted. I knew I wanted to make the perfect hoagie for my boyfriend lol. He’s a truck driver and doesn’t get many good meals especially when he’s away, so I try to make them special for him when I can. I also was trying to add up the costs in my head and make sure I had enough money for everything. The guy at the deli was very friendly and kinda laughed at me and my indecisiveness. He just said to let him know if I needed any help.
15 or 20 minutes later I finally decided. I’d go with half a pound of Hot Capicolla and half a pound of Buffalo Chicken. My boyfriend and I both really enjoy spicy foods and unique sandwiches, so I thought this would be perfect for us. Ordering from a deli was an entirely new experience for me. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever done it before in my life, despite working for a deli in the past.
I was a little nervous at first, but at the same time I felt comfortable. The guy at the deli was pretty friendly and laid back. He didn’t seem at all annoyed by my indecisiveness or my constant pacing lol. More like amused by it. I was able to hear him perfectly and had no anxiety like I would in the past. I always avoided ordering from delis in the past unless I had someone else there to do it for me because if they tried to ask me anything like “is this okay?” or “how’d you like it sliced” I knew I’d never hear them and it would be awkward and embarrassing for me. This was definitely a pleasant experience though and I couldn’t wait to get home and tell my parents and boyfriend all about it.
Are these not the most beautiful hoagies you’ve ever seen?
The picnic at the park itself was also a nice experience. I’ve been to the park a few times now with my cochlear and it’s always an enjoyable experience. There’s always something new to hear. I was there on the Wednesday before our Saturday picnic with my boyfriend and heard a lot of music because there was a cover band playing and I heard a lot of people talking (some even stopped to talk with us a little bit).
One thing to know about my boyfriend and I (in case you haven’t already picked up on it): we’re too big kids. We love to have fun. This picnic just showed that even more. Guess what we brought with us (other than the obvious answer of food?) Nerf guns. And it was awesome!
I actually bought these around Christmas time. Been dying to play with them for these past few months…
We ran all around the park picnic area with them. There’s some trees and woods and a little playground we were able to play around. We could talk and make fun of each other and communicate even at a distance from each other — something that would have been impossible in the past.
When we got tired of playing with the nerf guns we moved on to tossing a football back and forth. Larry tried to teach me how to throw a spiral. It only somewhat worked lol. But I could hear what he was saying without him having to be right by me. At one point we started playing a game where we’d move a step back every time the other person caught the ball. We did pretty well and ended up pretty far from each other and yet we could still communicate which was neat.
At around 7 or 7:30 we stopped playing and decided to just walk the trails. It was extremely peaceful. There wasn’t many people around at this time, probably because of the weather. It was threatening rain most of the day. It drizzled a little as we were walking, but nothing major. We had an umbrella and i had my AquaCase on so there wasn’t much to worry about. I wore my AquaCase all day since it was so hot and humid and I was sweaty and didn’t want to get all of the moisture and sweat into my cochlear.
I was able to hear some of the sounds of nature. I couldn’t hear as much as Larry, but I’m sure I’ll get there in time. For example, crickets aren’t something I can hear very easily yet. I want to though. I’m sure in time I will be able to if we keep going to the park (which I’m sure we will). I can usually hear most of the birds. I heard a lot of frogs which caught me off guard a bit. We sat at a bench for awhile when it started to get dark at around 8:30-9 o’clock. I thought I was hearing ducks (there were quite a few around) but Larry told me they were frogs and when I really thought about it I realized it was the sound “ribbit” I was hearing, not “quack”. I know it sounds crazy or stupid, but I’m kind of learning what animal sound like. I know in my head what noise animals make. I’ve read them and heard them and understood them for years, but I never heard them the way they are supposed to sound. Now that I am hearing them the right way for the first time, my brain needs a little time to process them and figure out what exactly it is hearing.
Larry and I stayed at the park for as late as we possibly could (literally until they closed the gate around 9:30-10pm). One of my favorite parts of the day was when it got really dark and it was just the two of us. It was so romantic. We just sat at a bench in front of the water and talked and cuddled for a bit. It was too dark to even see each other, but I could still hear. Something I never would have done before. It was just so nice.
My first ever picnic with my boyfriend and my first picnic with my cochlear was definitely a great experience. I am definitely looking forward to having more picnics in the park this summer and exploring more of the sounds of nature with my cochlear!