Hey guys, so the name of this blog is Confessions of a Def Deaf Girl, right? Well, I have a confession for you all today:
I never went to my high school prom.
Overall, I have no regrets. I didn’t want to go to my prom back in high school because junior year none of my friends went and my senior year prom was being held in my former hometown that I wanted no parts of. I thought it was a waste of money to spend hundreds of dollars going back to the town I lived in for nearly a decade and didn’t enjoy, so I didn’t go.
I don’t care much about skipping my prom, but sometimes I do still wish I would’ve had a chance to get all dressed up and go dancing. Needless to say, when I saw that Human Village Brewery was hosting their first ever “beer prom” where attendees were strongly encouraged to dress up in prom attire, I jumped at the opportunity to go.
So I grabbed my prom date, Evan, and we both donned some of our formal attire (nothing too crazy – we were worried no one else would go through with it!) and headed to the brewery!
Human Village put on such a great event. They closed the brewery early that night to prepare for the prom (which took place during what is normally their after-hours/closing time). They went with a beach/nautical theme and decorated the walls with pool floats such as blow up dolphins, whales, beach lizards, beach balls, etc. The owners all got dressed up in prom attire as well. They offered the first round of drinks for free with the purchase of a ticket and also had free snacks such as Chick Fil A chicken nuggets (with their famous sauce!), Philly soft pretzels, a veggie tray, popular prom appetizers like cocktail hotdogs, and more.
Evan and I’s friend, Ian Goode’s band, The Collective Force, performed all night long minus about an hour where some crabby old person (or at least that’s what I assume) tried to call the cops on the event due to noise. They played some popular prom and beach themed songs along with popular radio hits that everyone recognized. At one point everyone at the prom even joined together to form a love train going all around the Brewery!
Evan and I danced to a handful of fast songs and just about all of the slow songs. We are always looking for opportunities to go slow dancing together, so we finally had our chance at the prom and he made waiting 29 years to go to prom worth it. He’ll always be prom king in my heart!
Towards the end of the night, however, Evan left for about 10 minutes to use the bathroom and I waited at our table by myself. During this time two girls approached me and asked me to dance with them. I felt a little strange about it since I didn’t know them, but there was a family-feel to this event with everyone dancing with everyone all night long and I assumed they just didn’t want me to be by myself at the table so I joined them and kept thinking in the back of my head Evan, please hurry up and rescue me.”
A few minutes in they asked me if I was deaf. I told them that I was. The rest of the conversation went like this:
Girl #1: *Points to Girl #2* We both study ASL at Camden County College.
Me: Oh, that’s cool. I don’t sign.
At this moment Evan finally came back from the bathroom and hugged me from behind, which naturally scared the crap out of me since I never saw him and the girls laughed and introduced themselves to him as well.
Shortly after Evan and I were reunited, the conversation with the two girls resumed.
Evan: She has cochlear implants.
Me: Yes, I can probably hear better than you can right now. I can hear everything. I have about 97% total hearing with my cochlear implants. I just can’t hear when I take them off.
Girl #1: Do you ever take them off when you don’t want to hear?
Girl #2: That sounds useful. I wish I could do that!
Me: Yeah, it definitely comes in useful. It helps me to focus and concentrate more on what I’m reading.
The conversation then died down with them a bit as Evan and I went our separate way and had our own conversation. It was getting towards the end of the night and things were wrapping up. We were saying our good byes to Ian and talking to the owners about some of our favorite craft beers and asking about what some of there upcoming releases would be.
As we were leaving the two girls said goodbye to us and then thanked me for talking to them about my experience with cochlear implants and being deaf.
There was just one problem…
They were signing to me. Instead of actually saying “Thank you” they signed it to me. Fortunately I knew what this sign meant, but I still couldn’t help but be annoyed since I literally just explained to them how I didn’t sign.
This is one of my biggest pet peeves when it comes to people wanting to know more about the deaf/Deaf communities – people who aren’t from either community (meaning they have no hearing loss or real experience with those who do). People take ASL and automatically think it gives them a right to enter these communities or they think they know everything about what it’s like to be deaf/Deaf. But they have no idea.
Not everyone with hearing loss is a part of the Deaf with a capital D community. Not everyone with hearing loss knows sign language. I for example know hardly any sign language at all. Signing to me is highly ineffective as I won’t know what you’re saying. My preferred method of communication is verbal or text. In this scenario I could hear the two girls perfectly fine. I never once had to ask them to repeat themselves and I explained to them very thoroughly and clearly that I could hear everything perfectly fine – conversations, music, etc.
What bothered me the most wasn’t at all the fact that they tried to sign to me, it was the fact that they didn’t listen to me. Half of the problems in the world I think stem from people not taking the time to truly listen to one another. This causes miscommunication, confusion, and disconnects in how we converse with one another.
For those of you who are reading this in hopes of gaining a better understand of what it’s like to be deaf/Deaf or hard of hearing…for those of you who want to learn communication strategies for how you can best talk to those who are deaf/Deaf/hard of hearing my advice to you is short, sweet, and simple:
Don’t just assume that every deaf/Dead/hard of hearing person you know automatically knows and prefers to use ASL.
Don’t assume that they are all verbal.
Don’t assume that because someone has cochlear implants they can hear perfectly fine (this is true in my case, but not true for everyone).
Most deaf/Deaf/hard of hearing people will be more than happy to explain their communication preferences to you and to have a conversation and to educate you on their world, but if you choose our communication preferences for us and assume you already know everything, you’ll miss out on these opportunities to really get to know us and engage with us (and you may be completely rejected by us anyway if we can’t effectively communicate with you).
There is nothing wrong with being hearing and wanting to talk to someone who cannot hear, but there is everything wrong with choosing for someone else how to communicate with them and not listening to their needs or preferences. We have our own unique voices and HATE being silenced, so give us a chance to use our voices and sit back and listen to us before you speak for us.