This week I read 1 Corinthians 14 and it made me think a lot about the history of American Sign Language actually. In 1 Corinthians 14, Paul is talking to the church of Corinth about speaking in tongues. He acknowledges the ability to speak in tongues as being a spiritual gift from God, however, he strongly urges the church of Corinth not to practice the speaking of tongues unless everyone can do it. Paul explains this by stating, “He that speaketh in an unknown tongue speaketh not unto men, but unto God: for no man understandeth him; howbeit in the spirit he speaketh mysteries.” Men that possess the spiritual gift of speaking in tongues can use it to speak to God, yes, but they shouldn’t use it to speak with the rest of the congregation because they won’t be able to understand him. When we enter the church it should be to honor and glorify God and to help our brothers and sisters and Christ to do the same and to better come to know God and his words. If we can’t even understand what the members of the body of Christ are saying then how can we really come to know God and learn at church, let alone properly worship him in his home?
Paul went so far as to suggest that speaking in tongues could be the equivalent of just making noise without understanding what that noise actually means in verses 7-11. Here he states:
And even things without life giving sound, whether pipe or harp, except they give a distinction in the sounds, how shall it be known what is piped or harped? For if the trumpet give an uncertain sound, who shall prepare himself to the battle? So likewise ye, except ye utter by the tongue words easy to be understood, how shall it be known what is spoken? For ye shall speak into the air. There are, it may be, so many kinds of voices in the world, and none of them is without signification. Therefore if I know not the meaning of the voice, I shall be unto him that speaketh a barbarian, and he that speaketh shall be a barbarian unto me (1751).
Wow, definitely a lot of things going on in these verses! Let’s look at the first part of this first, verses 7-8:
“And even things without life giving sound, whether pipe or harp, except they give a distinction in the sounds, how shall it be known what is piped or harped? For if the trumpet give an uncertain sound, who shall prepare himself to the battle?”
A deaf person may never hear the sounds of a pipe, harp, or trumpet. You could blow that trumpet as hard as humanly possible and that deaf person may never prepare himself to battle if that’s all he has to go on because he’ll never know. To him, the sound of a trumpet is completely meaningless.
For me prior to getting my cochlear implant, I missed out on many sounds. I’ve discovered many of them since getting my cochlear implants, but every day I am also still learning more and more sounds. It’s not uncommon for me to jump a little in class as a train goes by or someone talks or fidgets or I hear an unknown sound. I’m constantly trying to define the source of the sound and what it means. This is what the congregation must’ve been like back in Paul’s time when they tried to understand what the speaker was saying when he spoke in tongues that they did not understand.
I also relate this to ASL. The Deaf community needs ASL so that they can understand what is being said in the church. To them, the verbal communication means nothing. They have no idea what the pastor is preaching without the use of ASL. They will never hear the gospel or understand the message that day. The pastor might as well be speaking in tongues because they’d never know otherwise. Here, Thomas Gallaudet’s arguments for using sign language in the church makes sense.
But hold that thought…
Thomas Gallaudet and the manualists didn’t just think that the use of sign language in the church would help the deaf to better understand sermons; they took it a step further. Gallaudet along with the other manualists felt that sign language would bring the deaf closer to God. In Tracy Morse’s dissertation, “Saving Grace: Religious Rhetoric in the Deaf Community,” she quotes Douglas Baynton’s Forbidden Signs when she says:
For manualists, this view was interpreted in Protestant terms: sign language was an original language and meant “closer to the Creation,” not inferiority (Baynton “Savages” 98). However, for oralists, sign language was associated with lower evolution or “inferior races” (Baynton Forbidden 9). Oralists made arguments that deaf students needed to learn spoken English and lip reading or they would be viewed as animals or savages (Morse 51).
Now, let’s look back to the scripture and focus on verse 11 which states, “Therefore if I know not the meaning of the voice, I shall be unto him that speaketh a barbarian, and he that speaketh shall be a barbarian unto me.
The word “barbarian” here is what stands out the most to me. Do you know who else really loves the word “barbarian”? Alexander Graham Bell who was NOT a manualist like Thomas Gallaudet, but rather an oralist that believed that the deaf needed to move away from sign language and instead learn to speak verbally and read lips and live in the hearing world.
So, what am I saying here? Do I think that this verse is saying sign language is barbaric? Absolutely not, but at the same time, it could be absolutely so. So it’s a yes and a no for me.
Here is what I think that verse is saying, or what the core message Paul has for the church of Corinth is:
We need to speak in a way that people can understand what we are saying in church so as to not cause confusion or anything that can inhibit man’s understanding of the gospel and man’s ability to honor and glorify the lord.
Back in the time of the church of Corinth, speaking in tongues was a barrier for people in the church because it might have benefited the person speaking it, but it did not benefit the church. Paul is calling for the unity of the church – everyone needs to unite as the body as Christ and work in a way that best serves God and not themselves and that involves speaking a universal language they can all understand.
What does this mean for the deaf in the church? Should they be forced to lip-read and practice the oral method? No. I think the deaf should have a right to hear the sermon in a way that is the most accessible to them. Many churches offer the hearing loop to help hard of hearing and deaf people to hear (depending on the degree of hearing loss of course). If a deaf person needs an interpreter, they should have access to it.
If the majority of church attendees are Deaf and rely on sign language, then perhaps that church should consider doing full sermons primarily in ASL, as that is what will benefit that church and help the attendees to learn and honor and glorify God the best.
We don’t have to worry too much about the speaking of tongues in modern day. 1 Corinthians 13:8 says, “Whether there be tongues they shall cease”. People cannot speak in tongues today (I acknowledge that many claim they do – I have my own feelings on that but I’ll be nice and go the route of “no comment” on that…). I think that whereas the church of Corinth had to worry about the speaking in tongues today our issue is more or less about what language or what style/tone to use in church. I think it all depends on the congregation and choosing what is the most accessible to your church goers.
Going back to the discussion on the deaf community…
In Baynton’s Forbidden Signs he explains how many oralists feared that by relying too heavily on sign language the deaf community would isolate themselves from the rest of the world. He stated:
Like their contemporaries in other fields of reform, oralists worried that the lives of people were diminished by being a part of such communities as the deaf community; they would not, it was feared, fully share in the life of the nation. The deaf community, like ethnic communities, narrowed the minds and outlooks of its members. “The individual must be one with race,” one wrote in words reminiscent of many other Progressive reformers “or he is virtually annihilated”; the chief curse of deafness was “apartness from the life of the world,” and it was just this that oralism was designed to remedy. Apartness was the darkness manualists redefined for a new world (Baynton 32).
Sign language was (and still is) very different from spoken English or any spoken language, really It’s different from what the majority is speaking and when people can’t speak our language, either they or we miss out. Isn’t this the same as what was going on in the church of Corinth in a way? Paul wanted to see the church of Corinth come together to honor, serve, and glorify the Lord and to unite as the body of Christ. Speaking in tongues was something very few church members could do that caused a separation or divide between those who could speak and understand it, and those who could not. It became a distraction that kept people from coming to know God.
Is sign language a distraction that keeps the deaf from doing things in their daily lives? It is obvious that it causes a divide from the hearing and the deaf worlds. In the church, it can make things better for the deaf and I can see how it can strengthen their personal relationships with God, but if we only signed and didn’t speak spoken English, the rest of the congregation would suffer. I don’t see sign language as being a form of language that brings a person closer to God in the sense of it’s a superior or holier language than standard English. I think it’s just another language that for some is their primary and therefore the best and for others is just another language in the world that exists but one they don’t partake in or use in their daily lives.
Take me out to the ball game….
It’s really been a long while since I wrote anything. Rest be assured, I am not abandoning this blog and I am definitely not abandoning my book project. I’ve just been extremely busy with work lately. There’s been quite a few changes happening lately which are very exciting but have also taken up a bit more of my time, attention, and focus. Also, Larry and I are coming up on our 1 year anniversary together. We are planning to celebrate by spending a weekend together in Lancaster. It’s something very important to us that we are both very excited about especially since we don’t get to see each other very much with him being a truck driver constantly on the road. However, as with everything in life, this is going to cost money. With that being said, I’ve been picking up quite a bit of freelance to help me save up and afford this little trip. Unfortunately, there are only 24 hours in a day. With my full time job + freelancing and my personal life, there just hasn’t been much time for updating my blog and writing my novel. But once our anniversary is over I’m hoping to be able to cut back on freelance and dedicate more time to this project.
So anyways, back to the subject of this post: What It’s Like to Go To a Baseball Game With a Cochlear Implant.
I went to a Camden Riversharks game with my church, Washington Baptist Church back in July. I’ve most certainly been to baseball games before. My dad actually used to be a great baseball player and at one time played on the church team back when we still attended the Church of the Nazarene in Pitman. Also, I went to the Phillies game with Student Government back when I attended Gloucester County College (now known as Rowan College at Gloucester County back in I think it was 2010. However, I never had an experience quite like this before.
Yes, they do really play “Take Me Out to the Ball Game”…
Baseball games were always kind of boring for me in the past. They were kind of hard for me to follow and get into, probably because I could never really hear anything and fully grasp what was going on. I couldn’t hear the announcers on their loudspeakers. I couldn’t hear any of the music they played in between innings or whatever. Actually, I didn’t even know if they played music at all. I always wondered if “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” was ever really played at baseball games or if it was just a kid’s song/a myth. I could never hear well enough to know.
I was really pretty excited to go to the Riversharks with my church and to see how things would be different with my cochlear. Unfortunately, Larry couldn’t make it like originally planned due to work, but I was able to go with my parents. My dad has been to my church on a couple of occasions but my mom never been, so I was excited for her to finally get to meet some people from church. Also, my family and I don’t get to go out and do things like this very much. My church rented a pavilion and there was an all-you-can-eat buffet so I knew it would be a special, fun treat for us all.
They even had sumo wrestlers!
My first impression upon entering Campbell’s field was “Wow, this is pretty loud!” I actually had to switch my cochlear to setting #3 which blocks out the maximum amount of background noise. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to things being too loud lol. My family and I met up with my church straight away and Pastor and his wife and some other members of the church all introduced themselves to my family. I was happy and surprised that I could actually hear everyone. It wasn’t awkward like it would have been prior to me having my cochlear.
When we got to the pavilion I was kind of overwhelmed by all of the sounds. I could hear everything! Even things I never imagined I’d hear or ever really gave any thought to. My mom got the biggest kick out of asking me “Can you hear that? Did you hear that?” lol. I don’t think that’s ever going to get old for her.
It was 90’s night, which was a real treat for me being that I am a 100% 90’s baby. They played 90’s songs and 90’s music videos throughout the night and I recognized and knew the words to almost all of them. I sang along a lot to Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears, Smash Mouth, and Outkast (although I was quick to point out that Outkast was most certainly NOT from the 90’s….more like 2005ish. My mom loved watching me sing along and bob my head to the music. She even said at one point, “I didn’t think I’d ever see the day when you’d be able to bob your head to the music at a baseball game” and how right she was!
I could even hear the sound of the ball hitting his glove…
I was able to hear more delicate or less obvious sounds, too. Things like the sound of the ball landing in the catcher’s gloves, and the sound of the bat hitting the ball. I could also hear every word that the announcers said. It was pretty exciting!
Pastor and his wife came by to our table to speak with my parents and I right during the last inning. It was nice to be able to have a conversation and not constantly have to say “What?” or, “I can’t hear you”, or worst yet, completely give up on the conversation. The last time I went to a baseball game back with GCC’s student government I had a great time, but I don’t remember really talking to anyone much once we got inside the stadium because it was too loud and I couldn’t distinguish between the sounds — it was all just loud noise. So this was certainly a nice change/improvement for me!
This was from 2010 when I went to a Phillies’ game with GCC’s SGA. It was a lot of fun, but I couldn’t really hear anyone well enough to have a real conversation. 😦
My first baseball game with my cochlear implant was definitely a great experience for me. I’d love to go to another one sometime…especially during a time when Larry can be home to share the moment with me! He could use a fun night out to a baseball game, too. 🙂
Oh, and before I forget, as I mentioned in the title I do have some exciting news!
I recently responded to a query from a writer, Geetanjali Mukherjee who is writing a book titled, Anyone Can Get An A+: How to Beat Procrastination, Reduce Stress, and Improve Your Grades. She was looking to speak with people who had to overcome personal challenges to get through school. I shared my story with her about how I made it through school without being able to hear my professors because it was before I had my cochlear. She loved my story and thought I was an inspiration. Long story short, she will be featuring it in her book which goes on sale on iTunes on September 2nd. You can read more about it here: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/anyone-can-get-how-to-beat/id1012123464?mt=11
If you’ve known me any time in the last 3 years, you’ve probably hear this same old argument from me countless times. I said I wanted to go back to school to get my Master’s in Public Relations. Then I had my heart set on earning a Master’s in English from Rutgers. Some days I wanted to get a third Bachelor’s degree in Psychology. I played around with earning a degree in Marketing, too.
Basically I’ve been completely indecisive. For awhile I actually said I didn’t want to earn my Master’s in Writing. I guess after studying Writing Arts for 2 and a half years, I had a enough of it and didn’t really feel like writing anymore. Sure, I had plenty of ideas. I did, after all write a young adult novel on suicide and depression called Escape, which I still have every intention of publishing (I’ll revise and edit it and work on trying to get it published one of these days…I swear”. And there’s still that insane children’s novel about the kids who eat forbidden cheese on a field trip to the moon and end up turning into cheese and having to live an alternative life on the moon… but it still just wasn’t enough for me to want to go through with grad school for it.
But getting my cochlear implant changed all of that for me. I had stories to tell, but it’s almost like before, the stories were never really my own. I still have a lot of faith in Escape, but it is a very difficult novel to write. I am writing a novel about a childhood friend that killed himself. In that novel, I am looking for answers. I will never have the answers. I can only speculate and wonder what drove one of the most popular guys in school to end his life so tragically. So Escape is based on reality. But it can never be labeled as non-fiction, because no one will ever really know the truth. And as his classmate, I am an outsider. I will never know what really went on during that time. I only know the rumors and speculations.
Escape is a very risky book to write. I have to worry about upsetting the family members of the individual who inspired my book. I have written about him in the past, but very vaguely. I have attempted to interview the family, and ended up cancelling on them because I got the sense that they were so uncomfortable with the interview, that I’d be doing more harm than good with going through with it. Also, while I believe very strongly that the world needs a book like Escape — a novel that speaks the truth about teenagers and how depression is a prevalent issue in today’s teens and how suicide is a huge problem no one wants to talk about — that is just it. Nobody wants to talk or hear about teenagers ending their life. Unfortunately, I believe that this includes book publishers.
Going to grad school with the intent of using “Escape” as a thesis and publishing it afterwards— a very big risk that will cost a lot of money.
As for my cheese story — I love talking about it. It’s very creative and imaginative and wild — but I don’t have any sense of direction. I have a couple variations of a short story — but I don’t know where this is going for a novel and I’m not sure when if ever I will know. I am still in the thinking and brainstorming process with it. Graduate school will move fast. It will also be very expensive. I don’t think I should go into graduate school with a vague idea and no sense of direction regarding my work. It would be better to hold off on that for graduate school.
But now, I do have a story. I have a story that is filled with my own unique voice. I know exactly which directions to take with it because it is my reality. It is my life. I am living my story now. I had to wait to go to grad school because I had to wait for my story to come to me. This — my cochlear —this is it.
My blog has served as a bit of a first draft. I am never short on ideas for what to right. Most of my posts are at least 1,000 words long. I have 39 posts and counting. That right there is an estimated 39,000 words or more. A standard novel is estimated to be approximately 50,000 words or more — with that being said, I’m already well over half way there. There’s no denying I have the material for a story. It’s just a matter of writing it — which through this blog, I already begun doing.
And I know there is definitely an audience for my book. My friends, family, co-workers, and people from my church have all been following my blog. They love it. They say they are fascinated and amazed by the things I write about. But even beyond that, there’s an audience.
There are not many books out there about cochlear implants or hearing loss in general. The few that do exist are either horribly outdated or too technical to understand, or both. There isn’t a lot in the way of inspirational stories that people can connect with. If you are considering getting a cochlear implant, good luck finding a book in your local bookstore written by someone who went through with it and can tell you what it’s REALLY like. You might find one if you’re lucky. Never more than 3.
My book can also fall into many categories — inspirational, Christian,motivational, etc. It’s very uplifting and of course I attribute much of my success with my cochlear to my faith and belief in god. After all, my book is called “God Granted Me Hearing”. You don’t get much more Christian than that.
I want to go to grad school because I believe that that will be the thing that helps me to really bring my book to life. I plan to use my book for most of my assignments and my thesis project. I will spend a great deal of time in grad school working on this book. I know my professors can help point me in the right direction and help me to polish it and get it published, too.
I am extremely familiar with the professors I’ll have as a graduate student in Rowan’s Master in Writing program. I had a majority (if not all) of them as an undergraduate Writing Arts student. I loved my professors and learned very much from them and will be excited to continue learning more from them at the graduate level, especially now that I have a clear grasp of who I am as a writer and what I want to do.
There is just one thing that might be holding me back now — graduate school is very very expensive. It is estimated to cost me a good $24,000. I do not have $24,000.
I filed for FAFSA this weekend. Unfortunately from what I’m told, FAFSA does not give you grants as a form of financial aid as a graduate student like it does if you’re an undergrad. It will merely tell you what kind of loans you are eligible for.
Like most of my peers, I am already deep in debt from undergrad. I currently owe approximately $20,000 to be paid off during a 10-year time period. My debt is nothing compared to most people’s, but it is still not easy to pay off. I have already had to defer payments once and have frequently been late on payments because with my current income, $200+ per month is not always doable.
By going to graduate school, my student loan debt will more than double. It could take me more than 20 years to pay it all off. It makes sense for many of my classmates who are taking on careers such as that of a doctor or lawyer, but when you’re a writer the future is very very very unclear.
My book could become a bestseller.
My book could end up never being published.
You want to think positively, but when there’s $44,000 worth of debt on the table, it becomes difficult. You need to think long and hard about your ROI, and it’s completely up in the air. And that is hard.
I’m 25 years old. Yes, I am young, but at the same time, I am getting older.
I am in rush at all to get married or have children now. But I do want these things. I want these things very badly. Ideally, I’d love to get married in the next 4 or 5 years and have kids in the next 6 years or so. But if I put myself into $44,000 worth of debt — i don’t know that this will be possible.
If it is possible — it’s not fair. My future husband would be marrying into debt. My future children may not be able to have all that they deserve because of debt. That is not fair at all.
Graduate school always sounds like an amazing idea. How could going to school and furthering your education and bettering yourself be a bad thing? But when it comes to debt, it is. It is like you get punished for wanting to be well-educated. It’s not at all right. In my opinion, college and graduate school really should be free. Unfortunately in our country that must be an unpopular opinion, because I don’t see this happening any time soon.
I have an amazing amount of support coming from my boyfriend, my family, friends, everyone around me. I know they would support me wholeheartedly. My boyfriend even said he’d like to help me when he can. While I definitely appreciate this offer, it’s not one I could ever see myself accepting. It’s just way too much.
There is one thing that could help me get to graduate school without it being a major debt sentence — a graduate assistanceship.
Graduate assistanceships are known to pay about half (sometimes even more) of the cost of grad school. They also pay a stipend which can be used however you choose — which in my case would be towards graduate school. This would definitely make graduate school affordable for me.
I will go through with graduate school if I can get an assistanceship. This is the only way I will go through with it. I refuse to allow myself to take on an extra $24,000 of student loan debt.
I contacted my former professor who also serves as the director of the Master in Writing program at Rowan last night asking for some guidance in regards to what to include with my application and asking if he could help point me in the right direction for landing an assistanceship. I will also be sure to keep an eye out for any postings. I cannot apply for them yet because I need to be accepted into the program first. I have not yet applied.
For now I need to work on the application. My application is due in August. I need two letters of recommendation (still toying with who to ask for those), an 8-10 page writing sample (considering submitting my blog — they say that can be acceptable. I asked Professor Block but I’m still waiting for a response), my resume, and an application along with the $65 fee.
More than anything right now though, I need prayers.
I am putting everything in God’s hands now. If it is my will to go to graduate school, I know the Lord will bless me and make it possible. After all, it was the lord’s will that I gain the gift of hearing, and I can hear now, right? Everything in my life is a part of God’s plan, and maybe, lord-willing this is the next step to take in fulfilling his plans for me. Only time will tell what God’s plan for me is.
Image Credits: Digital Sherpa
“Your last blog post had three mistakes in it”, my mom told me after reading my post on What’s It’s Like to Go to Six Flags Great Adventure With a Cochlear Implant, “Don’t you ever proofread your work anymore?”
“Nope.” I replied.
“Obviously. You said ‘I was both very excited and a nervous.’A nervous what? For an English major you sound pretty dumb right now”.
Mom always was brutally honest…
But the thing is, I don’t proof read my blog posts because I have a degree in English and Writing Arts. Now, I can hear my boss and co-workers cringing. Here I am, not only an English and Writing Arts graduate, but a Project Manager for a digital marketing agency openly admitting that I never proofread my own blog posts before hitting the “publish” button.
But, there’s a reason for that.
I mean, if I were to write a blog post for my clients or a post like the ones I used to do for BitRebels.com I’d be sure to proofread and proofread again 10xs over.
But this is different. It’s not for a client and it’s not for Bit Rebels (or any other major news site/blog for that matter). This is my own personal blog. And it’s more than that…
Before you read any further you may want to glance over Anne Lamott’s famous short essay, “Shitty First Drafts” as I plan on referencing it quite a bit here.
You see, to say it simply, this blog is my “Shitty First Draft”.
Back in my college days my creative writing professors used to make us read Lamott’s “Shitty First Drafts” on the first day of class. It didn’t matter that we already read it in Creative Writing I or Writing Fiction class.They’d make us read it again, always on the first day of class. The reason? Had we not have read this essay, we may never have finished writing anything for class.
As this essay explains, too often writers get wrapped up in their own writing and way too focused on making it perfect. It’s good to proofread your work and take the time to make it good. However, if you focus on that from the get-go, you won’t get very far.
Your first draft of a story or a novel or even a poem isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being well, pardon my French, but to quote Lamott, it’s about being “shitty”.
Your first draft isn’t supposed to make much sense. It’s not supposed to be very good. Hell, I’ll even going on to say it’s supposed to suck. Being perfect and making sense isn’t the important thing now. Getting your thoughts and ideas down is what’s most important.
I got a cochlear implant. It’s been one heck of a journey. I’m hearing and experiencing things I’ve never heard before in my life. You may say I have quite the story to tell.
And yes, that’s it.
I have a story to tell.
I am telling my story.
This blog is capturing my story.
This blog is my “shitty first draft”.
To say in a less obnoxious and/or offensive way, I am using this blog as a way to capture all of my thoughts, emotions, desires, and experiences with my cochlear implant. Once I finish living through the experience a bit more, I plan on turning my blog into a memoir and hopefully one day publishing it. I hope that it can help others who may be considering getting a cochlear implant.I know that if it wasn’t for hearing the stories of others through the online groups I have joined I never would’ve went through with getting my cochlear implant. This is my way of giving back to others the way they have given to me.
Consider this blog my first draft for my novel. Please don’t bug me about how I mispelled or mistyped things. Don’t tell me that things are grammatically incorrect or don’t make sense. I know all of that already. It might not be the greatest thing in the world now, but I’ll go back and edit it all in another draft in time.
For now, just enjoy this raw copy of my first draft of my new novel.
P.S. — i have a name for it already to. It will be called……………….. *DRUMROLL PLEASE*………………..
God Granted Me Hearing.
The reason? It’s simple. After 24 years of not being able to hear well, God did answer my every prayer and Grant Me Hearing.
Also, ironically enough, my first novel that I wrote shortly after graduating high school in 2008 was a fiction novel called “God Grant Me Hearing”. This is like the non-fiction sequel (only it’s not really a sequel since God Grant Me Hearing was a god-awful book and I kind of want to completely scrape the project and pretend it never existed…but that’s another story. ;)).
Image Credits: Powerhouse Museum
I’ve slowed down a little bit with my blog posts this week. I’ve just been so incredibly busy with work and preparing for my cochlear implant surgery lately. I’ve said it once and I’ve said it again, I’m pretty sure preparing for the surgery is a much harder and more-time consuming event than the actual surgery will be! Monday can’t come soon enough!
I began really preparing for my surgery last weekend. My parents and I went to Big Lots where I purchased a memory foam pillow. From what my mom and I have read so far it sounds like it’s important to keep your head elevated after the surgery. My mom didn’t think the pillows I have now were fluffy enough. Hey, they’re cheap Walmart pillows so they aren’t exactly the most well-made things on the earth lol. But they are zebra print so I can’t complain. Anyway yeah the new pillow is much fuller and should be a lot better for post-surgery. While I was at Big Lots I also picked up a pair of button-down pajamas to wear after my surgery. We also read that it’s important to have button-down shirts because of course you won’t want anything that has to come off over your head after the surgery. And the pajamas will be a lot more comfortable for me than say a dress shirt or other button down would be. Pretty sure I’m going to want to be comfortable after my surgery lol.
I went to church a lot last weekend, too. First I went to my mom’s church, Gloucester County Community Church. Several weeks ago my mom put in a prayer request through their phone app for my consultation and surgery. I know that these prayers have not gone unanswered and I am incredibly thankful for all of the prayers and support I have received. After the sermon on Saturday night I went with my mom to the chapel and prayed with a woman whose name I do not know. It was my first time praying in the chapel and it was a really amazing experience. I’ll never forget how the woman told me that there is a reason why God is giving me this ability to have this procedure done and gain the ability to hear. She said that now it is my responsibility as a Christian to discover what God’s plan for me is and why he is giving me this gift. How can I use my gift of hearing to best serve him? All of this time I have been a little selfish when it comes to my implant thinking of how it will help me in my life when I really should be more focused on how I can use it to best serve the lord. It was definitely an eye-opening experience.
While the cochlear implant surgery has a 99% success rate and the chances of having it go wrong or not work is slim to none…there’s still that 1% chance and of course my mom and I are still a little bit nervous. You can’t help but think “What if?” or think of the negative aspects at least a little bit. We went over this a bit with the woman as well. And she said whatever happens is in God’s will. If I go forward with this and it doesn’t work it’s all just part of God’s plan for me. Trust in the lord and know that whatever happens is in his will and all part of a greater plan. Never lose hope and faith.
I went to my own church, Washington Baptist Church the following day as well. I know I have a whole nother church community in them too. Actually, they were the first group of people I told about my surgery when this process all began. It’s so very exciting. I realized this weekend that I kind of belong to multiple churches now too, and that’s okay. It’s like my mom said, “Who says you have to choose just one church?” Some people think I go to church too much or that my church going is a bit excessive. To those people I have this to say — Jesus Christ died on the cross to save me from my sins. Going to church 2-4 times week is the least I can do to thank him for the sacrifices he’s made for me and all of the gifts he has blessed me with.
I had a pretty busy day filled with preparing for my cochlear implant surgery, too. I took off of work, but my day was far from easy. If anything, it was busier and much harder than my typical work day would have been. It started off at 8:30 in the morning with a visit to Upenn’s medical office thing (I have no idea what the name of this office/building is actually called in case that wasn’t completely obvious lol). I had to get a meningitis shot here. It was over in an instant. Apparently there’s a higher risk of getting meningitis if you have a cochlear implant. Dr. Wilcox says that has never happened to any of his patients before, but it’s something they require you to get done just as an extra precaution. I had the same woman give me the shot that was there for my initial checkup with Dr. Millstein last month. She and the other office receptionists were so excited for me when I told them I was getting the surgery done this coming Monday. Seeing how excited everyone around me about this surgery just makes me even more excited!
Almost immediately after my appointment to get my meningitis shot I had to head over to Philly for yet another trip to Jefferson University. This was just a pre-admission testing appointment that my surgeon, Dr. Wilcox likes to do (even though I didn’t have to actually even meet with him). They initially told me that my appointment would probably be 2-3 hours, but it ended up being less than one (which considering how busy I am today was a great thing!).
The first thing they did for my pre-admission test was blood work. This was really not fun at all, as bloodwork never is. My vessel broke or something in my left arm when they tried to stick me the first time and they weren’t able to get any blood so they had to stick me again in my right arm. By this point it wasn’t quite noon yet and I’ve had three needles, so I was kind of annoyed by that.
The rest of the appointment went much more smoothly though. I had a different nurse give me a physical. She was extremely friendly. She kept saying I made her job very easy since I was less than half the age of most of her patients and I do not smoke or drink and am fairly healthy. Basically I just had to keep repeating the word “no” to every question she asked lol. She took my blood pressure, vitals, and looked in my eyes and all of that jazz. Everything was fine. It was kind of funny when they checked my blood pressure because she said sometimes people get nervous/anxious which can cause their blood pressure to rise. She told me to think of a nice place I’d like to go, but then my mom said “Or just think of Larry (my boyfriend)” lol. So naturally I did and it seemed to have worked since my blood pressure was fine.
Now everything should be all set for my surgery on Monday. They just reminded me not to take any medications three days before (I usually take aleve, Airborne, allergy tabs, and sleeping pills). I still don’t have a time for my surgery but they said I should get that by Friday. It’s all coming up so quick and I’m getting so excited!
Well now I have to go and finish getting ready for appointment #3 for today. I had to stop and get a shower and get changed after I got home from my appointment at Jefferson to make sure I killed all of the germs I might have gotten from the hospital. I’m sure I would’ve been fine without one, but I’ve been extra cautious of germs and ensuring I don’t do anything to get sick before my surgery. I’ve watched my hands so often they dried out. lol. My third and final appointment today is with Miracle Ear in Turnersville. Just my usual monthly appointment for new tubes on my hearing aids. Getting them done before my surgery is really important since after my surgery I won’t be able to hear at all from my left ear for a month until they activate it. Having my right ear in good working condition will be crucial!
I won’t have an appointment with my usual audiologist today. They called to say for some reason she wouldn’t be in. That’s okay too. If it weren’t for trying a new audiologist I never would’ve went through with this surgery. I’m not entirely sure who my audiologist will be today, but if it’s the one that recommended I get a cochlear implant, I’ll be sure thank her.
Image Credits: Jumonville Photo Blog
I’ve been blogging a lot lately. Sorry, not at all sorry about that. It’s the weekend and I haven’t had many plans. Larry has been a bit busy with his family this weekend so we just pushed our usual weekend plans back to Monday for this week. In an effort to protect me from getting sick, my mom skipped out on her church service at GCCC. I’ve spent most of my time this weekend at home with the exception of a hair appointment, grocery shopping, and attending my church’s Sunday service. I guess you could say being at home a bit more than usual has given me a lot of time to think. And one of the only things on my mind these days is my upcoming cochlear implant surgery. So, since I’ve been thinking about it so much anyway, why not blog about it, right?
Today as I attended Sunday school and Sunday service at my church, Washington Baptist Church which is located in Turnersville, NJ, I began to think about what church is like for me now and how it may be a completely different experience in the upcoming weeks/months. Sometimes church can be difficult for me with my hearing impairment.
I grew up attending The Church of the Nazarene in Pitman, NJ. I went there until I was at least 3 (maybe even younger) until I was around 14 or 15. I remember Sunday school and youth groups very well. I remember being a part of vacation bible school when I was little and going on to teach it as I got older. I remember the songs very well. I do not, however, have very strong memories of the sermons. I don’t remember leaving the church and thinking “Wow, I was very moved by that sermon”. Maybe it was because I was still pretty young and wouldn’t have been able to connect with and understand it the way I do now as a 24 year old believer. But the more likely reason? I could not hear.
You may be thinking “Couldn’t you ask for a listening device?” Or, “Why didn’t you sit up front?” Well, listening devices do nothing for me. My hearing is way too bad to benefit even the slightest bit from that. I did sit up front, it just didn’t matter much. I heard the volume of the sermons perfectly fine. I just could not understand them. It was a pastor talking. I knew he was talking about the word of God. But I could not understand what he was actually saying.
Youth groups worked a bit better for me. Sitting in a smaller group, closer to the people meant that it was much easier for me to read their lips. I was able to gain more clarity. But youth groups and sermons aren’t the same. Youth groups are helpful, yes, but I always thought the sermons were the “big picture” or the most important part of church. I was missing it.
I left the Church of the Nazarene when I was around 15. I have moved away from town and it was just too difficult to travel back and forth especially since I was in college and working two jobs at the time. I lived around 20-30 minutes away and it was too much of a hassle to travel back and forth and I often times had to work on Sunday mornings anyway. I would attend my grandparent’s catholic church on occasion. Usually only on holidays. This was not a very pleasant experience for me. For one, I am not nor have I ever been catholic. Catholic churches are in an entirely different league compared to The Church of the Nazarene. I never really knew what to do or understood why I had to do it. It was confusing. Even more so because I could not hear. The catholic church was much bigger than the Nazarene church. And much more difficult to hear. The priest was always an older man who I struggled to hear and understand. I feel like a horrible person saying that church was very boring — but it was. I got absolutely nothing out of catholic church. It was just like sitting staring at a man you know is speaking and yet you have 0 clue what he is saying. So you just sit and pretend you know what’s going on for the next 2-3 hours.
I attended the catholic church because it meant a lot to my grandparents who have always been catholic. Going to church on them for the holidays, especially Christmas Eve, became an important tradition. However, the tradition came to an end after their deaths in 2011 and 2012. During this time I had no church.
I held off for a long time finding a new church because I thought it was a waste of time. I had no hope. I can hear my boyfriend yelling at me for this right now. He always yells at me to “keep faith and hope”. But I really didn’t have either at this time. Sure, I was a Christian and I believed, but I didn’t think church was of that much importance to me at this time. I mean, I could never hear the sermons anyway. What good was it to get up early on Sunday morning and sit and listen to a church sermon you know you won’t understand a word of? I could just as easily put the TV on mute at home and stare at it for 2 or 3 hours and get the exact same results…
But the thing is— being a christian and believing in God really isn’t always just enough. Christians need church in their life, too. Church is like a special form of school where you are taught how to interpret the word of God and live a christian life. These are things you can’t always do well enough on your own. My need for church must have shown because I had many friends offer to bring me to churches or suggest churches for me to attend during this time.
One of the first churches that was recommended to me was Solid Rock Baptist Church. A co-worker at Walmart recommended it to me because of my hearing. Solid Rock Baptist Church is known for serving a wide variety of different people including the deaf and hard of hearing. She thought it would be perfect for me.
Before attending the church I reached out to the deaf pastor explaining my situation and how I struggle to hear sermons. I requested information about what kind of services they provide to the deaf and hard of hearing. I also explained that I do not sign but rely a lot on lip-reading and written texts. I asked if the deaf sermons would be the most beneficial to me or if I should just stick to a traditional service.
I’m still waiting on that response….
I did attend one church service. I think it was in around July of 2013 or something. Unfortunately, we unknowingly went during a big revival or something where other churches attended to or something. Not a normal service. The people were very unwelcoming and almost cold. I couldn’t hear a word of the sermon. I never went back.
Months passed by and a friend invited me to go and try out her Presbyterian church. At first I went to just a few fun church functions like church pasta dinners and potlucks and all. They were okay. I thought I might enjoy the sermon so I went to two. One right before Christmas and one on Christmas Eve. I didn’t hear a word of either sermon. My parents went to the Christmas Eve sermon. They were not a fan. They say the pastor went off topic a bit and launched a whole anti-gun debate. As licensed, responsible gun owners, this didn’t fare well with us. I just wish I could have actually heard what was said. Needless to say, we never attended again.
More and more months passed by and it seemed like we were never going to find a church. I have just about completely given up on ever finding a church and being able to actually hear the sermon. But then we moved to Washington Township. One of my dad’s biggest goals after we moved was finding a new church. There is one church we drove by all the time: Gloucester County Community church. He decided we should attend sometime. It always had things going on and he was intrigued. So right around Easter time we attended our first service.
We all really enjoyed the sermon. The pastor could preach pretty well and I COULD ACTUALLY HEAR. Not 100%, but pretty good compared to most other sermons I attended anyway. It was exciting. We continued to attend this church and the sermons were alright, but I didn’t feel the connection I was craving for from this church, so I began to look elsewhere.
I had befriended another male christian this past summer. He was a very strong believer who definitely knew the word of God. He was a nondenominational christian attending Fellowship Bible Church. He had invited me to go along with him one day. I enjoyed the Sunday school sermon, but couldn’t really hear the actual sermon. I kept watching him take notes. That’s how I followed along. I thought I could connect with his church more if I attended more. But in reality I was interested in the church more for him and less for the church aspect of it. When it came down to it — it was his church, not mine. I needed a church to call mine.
Washington Township has a couple of churches — but not as many as my old town of Woodbury. In Woodbury pretty much every two feet is another church. In Washington Township, you’ll have to keep walking to find one… I went on a lot of walks in Washington Township and I began to search for a possible new church to attend. I have walked past a church called Crossroads Assembly of God church. I walked by it a handful of times. It was a little bit of a far walk (about 25 minutes) but I was always intrigued by it. I planned to find it again on one of my walks in July of 2014 and see about attending service that following Sunday.
Long story short, when I actually made plans to find this church (in the past I always randomly walked past it without planning to), I could not find it anywhere. I found another church instead, my current church, Washington Baptist Church.
Washington Baptist Church was very different from any other church I ever been to. For one it doesn’t quite look like a church. It’s more like a long one-floor house. I wasn’t entirely sure it was a church at first. I wouldn’t have known if it weren’t for the sign outside. But I felt that God was calling me to this church. I just found it so randomly. I had to attend.
When I went to my first church sermon in July, I was amazed at how welcoming everyone was. Whereas all of the other churches I’ve been to in the past months haven’t been at all welcoming, this one totally was. Everyone introduced themselves to me and kept saying “We’re glad to have you and hope you come back.” When I went the next week they remembered me. When I missed church one week, they said they missed me. Everyone was so humble and down to earth. It was exactly what I was looking for.
When people found out about my hearing impairment they were genuinely concerned about how well I could hear the sermons. I could actually hear it very very well. I couldn’t pick up on every word, but I got around 90% of it. When I couldn’t hear what the chapter the pastor was going over was, I could ask the person next to me and they’d help me out. The pastor spoke very clear and loud, but not too loud at the same time. It was the perfect tone for my type of hearing.
I did struggle a little with some of the music though. It can be hard for me to really hear the rhythm and beat of the music. I can read the words, but sometimes I can’t hear the music well enough to tell exactly where they are in the song. Singing the hymns can easily get a little bit awkward for me. This is especially a problem when I attend my parent’s church (they still go to GCCC by the way) where there is about 10x’s more singing than WBC has.
I have been attending WBC for about 4 months now. I have gained so much from the sermons and Sunday school services and this church feels like family for me now. I can usually hear the sermons pretty clearly, but some weeks (usually ones where my tubes are in need of a replacement on my hearing aids)I still struggle and don’t get as much of the message. I had a good day today with being able to hear and follow along in Sunday school and church. There was just one small part where I didn’t catch what chapter of the bible the pastor was referring to. I struggled with the music today too. They were hymns that I wasn’t too familiar with and didn’t know the beat/rhythm to so I kept getting a little lost with those. Overall I did okay with it all today.
I kept thinking though about how my experience with church will change after I get my cochlear implant. I talked a bit about it to some people at church today including the pastor and his wife which made me more excited to. I know I have a whole church of people praying for me and those prayers have not gone unanswered. The lord wants me to hear the sermons and the word of god in church each week. I’m beyond excited by the blessings he bestowed upon me and I can’t wait to attend church post-activation and to be able to hear every word of the sermon no matter where I choose to sit. To hear people when they share prayer requests in news. To be able to follow along and sing praises during our songs of worship and to not get lost. My implant will allow me to experience church in a whole new way and I can’t wait. It is through the work of God that I am being blessed enough to receive such an amazing and powerful gift and what better way is there to use this gift than to learn more about God’s word and to worship and praise him?
God is good. All the time. All the time. God is good.